Eye Gazing

I wrote recently about cuddle parties. How about eye contact parties? Apparently these are designed to deepen connections in speed-dating situations. People spend a couple of minutes wordlessly staring into the eyes of each potential partner in the room, circulating to the next stranger as a bell dings or something. Both people must maintain steady eye contact. Then when the rounds of staring are finished, there is ample time to converse with anyone with whom you want to connect. The press about it says that the conversations start at a much deeper level than is usual for social mixers. Check them out here.

Of course that would be true, the eyes being the window to the soul and all.

What are your experiences of eye contact? How often do you do it?

What an interesting experiment it would be to change only one thing in our communication patterns – to add sustained eye contact. Don’t change the topics generally covered; don’t change the amount of talking or listening; no need to alter your body language. Just maintain eye contact for longer. What would happen in our intimate relationships? What would happen in business settings? What would result with our friends, our kids, our parents?

It’s a fairly scary prospect, this being known and trying to know others more deeply. Even as it’s beautifully appealing.

I’m going to do some experiments. Will you too? Are you in? Let’s compare notes after a couple of weeks.

The “eyes” have it.

2 thoughts on “Eye Gazing


  1. Tim Ferriss outlines an eye gazing exercise in The 4-Hour Workweek which I tried for a week last year. It was really impactful! The basic bit is that you are not the first person to break eye contact. There was only one person in a week that gave me a real run for my money (a salesperson at a department store) and I felt strangely empowered.

    As far as connection goes, at times I felt more connected and other times I felt sort of dominating because the other person would avert their attention quickly. It helped me become aware of how often I exhibit this averting behavior which slows down connection.


  2. Fascinating about the idea of feeling dominant. That makes sense. There is power in focus and in not being unnerved.

    I love the things you are writing about on YOUR blog.

Leave a Reply